Hello, once again i'm here.Today,24 years ago, i was born. Going through yesterday and today, i was happy and i am happy...why? Most of my time was spend with the kids.For 24 years of celebrating my birthday, this wasn't the most chaotic or happening celebration ,because truthfully, it is quite dull though.....but this time around,it is meaningful.As if my life have become so meaningful...At the age of 24, i became a teacher....somewhere here, i have become a person.I've spend the moment i born , giving love,hope and knowledge to others.I feel warmed somehow. Eventhough i haven't fully recovered yet, deep down,i know i love this job so much.i love all these kids.And the funny things,my dream came true,they sing for me at Dewan Selera....touching and warm...deep in my heart,i said to myself,"this worth thousand of hardness of coming here....it worth more than anything."Last night ,i cried.My bet....i was watching scent of a woman,suddenly my heart remembered "nampun namja"...As i remembered going through changes from "who i used to" till now,it is all started with him.He made me doll up,(though even now,it wasn't good enough yet), he trigger my desire of wanting to be a woman which i never think of before.He made me ,wanting or desiring to be a better woman.He made me desiring to become a woman of his fit...I wasn't after any prince nor your highness, as long as i fit him enough, i would choose to become a slave, if he is on the same path.Even i have tried 100 times to keep my heart stronger being in here ( it is hard...so hard sometimes), because of him.Though lately,my heart get a lil bit tempted, but remembering him last night....i remember how i used to love....Remembering how painful it used to be, i remember my promise,
"Never hold on something that you can't afford to have,or else you 'll be losing 'it' even while you grabbing 'it' in your hand"
"Love when you are capable to hold it to you"
My heart have no room for another pain ,nor no room for another 'NAMPUN NAMJA'....losing him,having him dissappearing in front of my eyes,missing him till i felt a day was not worth a day,i have lost 'MYSELF'...if it's happening for second time,if i have to watch the same drama over again, i don't know what is left inside of me.May be nothing...more.For now, i will and am allowing myself to love again only when i am able to keep that love.
oh one more thing,from the beginning of time until whatever, i hate seducers....just that.
Wishing time....close my eyes,....one two there....my wish is .....@#%%^&(())*^%#@@!!!!!!!#%^^&& ...may it become a true wish....
