Friday, 19 December 2014

LOSER IN GAME OF LIFE

  He wasn't looking like a prince at all.But he is to me.After all these years,i grew....i ran....i changed my world....i changed everything,even me myself changed...yet, one thing didn't..I STILL LOVE THAT ONE PARTICULAR MAN...PERFECT PRINCE OF MAN,MY NAMPUN NAMJA.Till now,i still have him in my dream...i means actual dream.Didn't i love him that much?What does he do,that i can't move on? Why?I can give the other guy, " HIJRAH CINTA" "MOVING ON LOVE" ....but not  to my nampun namja.
     Now i have a declaration to make.I AM NO LONGER SEARCHING FOR THAT THING ANYMORE.LOVE DIDN'T COME, AND NO LONGER I BELIVE EXIST.My nampun namja? He is my love...and not chance that he will banish from my heart when death came upon me.I CAN'T NEVER MOVE ON.I AM MORE THAN MISSING HIM.
       Ya Allah,can't i have him?i promise through hardness,through poorness,through pain, through world come to ends,i won't ask a single thing more,if only you give him.him and my happiness.I just want him.I'll love him right....
      Now,it doesn't hurt anymore that he love someone else because it is more hurtful to pretend not to love him.it is not only hurtful...you just not living a life.
     Now,evil is all around me...or did i am too much of searching a perfect tale for everything? Is it wrong for me to get mad ,for someone who order around back and forth kitchen ,a sick 7-years old kid when she got ton of fat hanging around her damn body? Is it wrong for me to get mad at a person  who ask my own mother to clean up ,cook ,and everything only to leave her eating dry rice and ikan masin and that couple from hell going out for a dinner?Does that monthly RM1000 is made from hell leaf ? Wooww...impressed how  your own flesh blood could create a living hell for you.Is it improper for me to keep silent and pray for  her discomfort every second of that silence?Does this person came straightly from hell,to torture my living soul ,god? If she is,AROUND OF CLAP FOR YOU,god...cause it work.Cause i feel the hell's heat all around her.Just send her back to hell,please.God,i pray if one day, i would become someone like that,give me a round of slap ,please.Wake me,in any way before i get that far.I might be evil....yes..i am..but please not to my own mom....please ,god.
  ONE CONCLUSION,I AM BACK TO LOVE... I MIGHT ENDED ALONE MY WHOLE LIFE AND THE POSSIBILITY ARE 99.9...AND I WILLING TO TAKE IT....TO LOST IN HIS GAME.


     MY NAMPUN NAMJA.....i love you...and always will love you

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