LIFE NOT WORTH LIVING...

      Have you wonder about LIFE NOT WORTH LIVING?i've ...a few times about my life.Not only that,i have even wonder once is it living or 'the other wise' better for someone with no values?Truthfully,i asked few times for me.Similar to Oh Young, i wish to be happy living my life but....i'm losing the reason slowly now...I ask  a few times that question.and a few times i asked,did someone notice if i wasn't around?Will someone cry for unworthy me?
     Then,i answered myself.Even dying is a hard thing to do especially when you're sick.You will be cost a lot.You have to have a looot of money tooo...It will cause your 'surroundings' a huge burden.'Surrounding' is what you call for those who have to stay with you without a choice.If there is a re-selection,will i get chosen?Will they still do hold my shovering heart,warming  my cold heart?
                Should i live happily then?You have to have someone who sincerely have you in their heart to do that or else,the loneliness will eat you up.You have to have your value,even so,can you be sure? For me,even it is for fake,as long it doesn't show,i'll be HAPPY~HAPPY LAND.Like Oh Young,i'll fake my brother as long he are willing to smile,at least pretending to care in front of me.Be by my side.Truthfully,from my heart, i did think happiness from the loved ones will owned by just one type of human.If was like happiness nowaday only come in the form of tempting dollars or beautiful seduction?Did they?I did say i am a fairy nor kind goddess who deserve to get chosen,but how about my bestfriend,'the cat lover'?She is a living goddess on heart,but they are blind enough not to see her?a small part in my heart,do believe short armed wangja is that type too.Of course,who didn't?Shiny dollars doesn't buy my desire to love,neither model-look...i just want someone who my heart willing to love?too picky....it wouldn't even bias over thick ringgit...It may got tempted by lovely face but it doesn't move a single real emotion.Does it being picky or being real?
                 Neither this,nor that,the greatest and low-cost punishment,is just to live your live miserably.Does love even exist for real,god?It does i think,bevause it make me feel so in pain.This is sincerely from my rotten heart.Omma,neun...chaebal nega sarang..ne?Could you not show your burden face eventime it come to me?Could you please not show i am not loved as much as other?I won't bother as long it doesn't show.Like a cat,i'll keep leaning eventhough you pushed me by your foot.But please don't show it too much that i'm ..that much of burden...that i'm a waste of time or money (even on interview letter or my friends),ne?Please?I'll pretend that you love me mucchh...Let me fly away from your nest if a worm is too expensive for another mouth.I know you won't bother a worm or two...but things about me that complicate you is burdensome.Din't they,omma?Let me learn to fly on myown....Sent me away to live on myown instead of keeping me here.You didn't do it?Your worry look  (over money will be used on me as i'm moving especially about the job offer things), your burden look (that world is too bad to be lived by me),Cigarrate Ashes ( there is no other men that i 'm worth their time with),THAT LOOKS is the looks that stop my step,burying my free heart.
    Rather than looking that expression of yours,i am rather be hurt by my ownself....alone.You...omma is actually THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON in my life.If you didn't approve my love,even it means i will never love again,i'll follow your leads,Omma.Even one word from you could cause a lot of tears for me...because in this whole world,you are the most important ones.A compliment (nice ones) from you will made me smile all day even the other critize me.
   Till my taste of guys,it related to you.I want a guy who love taking responsibility toward their parent,because not only him,there will be another heart that i will be able to pour my tans of love with.With him,i want to treat them with the world.Being one big family....how happy is that.

    He that is loved so much by them ,that he learn to protect emotionally-vulnarable person like me.Instead of prisoning me inside of glass and gold castle ,being terrified of getting a cut ,he holding my hand to face the danger.Instead of cover me by his body,we bleed together,so that,he will not be the only ones who is strong.Even i become strong ,even i change,despite my laugh,despite my tears,despite my insecurity,despite my confidence,

he will hold my hand tight.God,could you give me such a person?Please?I'll love him my whole life without missing a blink.If giving is too hard,could you borrow me him?ne?

FROZEN:TALE OF ICE QUEEN

Hi,hello.today,’nampun namja’ did the thing I waited him to do.All is this long,I think he was ignoring me because maybe…maybe ,somehow, he knew that I ‘WAS’ deeply in love with him,but today,through his action of like, I knew.Now,I’m just a girl who not worth his time even a split sec.The ‘ME’ that got teary (true tears….okay) every I listen to ‘touch love by Mirae’ nor ‘Crazy about you by Hyorin” because of him,is someone is NOT worth even a sec of his time.The ‘ME’ that easily willing to give up every beauty,every single dollar ,every single sec  on him is too wasteful to be glanced even at once.I was half crazy missing him,crying ,begging to god,to at least to be allowed on his side,is too trashy to be cared now.

      Actually,I feel like hell now.I was devastated,disappointed with my life.I feel like everyone think I’m a person who not worth their split second in home…and everywhere.Mom?Always.Once of the time that remains scarred in my heart,is when I asked why does she cares for my sister much more?”…..she wasn’t denying it..but “because she need me more.”Did I need to left alone just because I look strong? Because of that answer, I grew hardly alone in my heart. Nowaday,at home,who got man bows under her feet is the most popular.I’m sorry but I failed.My heart hardly love one person ,so,I’m not the person who are able to drag dozens of man around.I’m sorry.I have somebody in my heart.

     Even my brother, Cigarettes’s ashes  act wasn’t helping.He wasn’t even trying to fake his position as brother.Does I was too trashy even to be cared about ,brother?Could you fake it once in a while?Cause I will acted like it was real.Lately, I remain stomach cramp hyung.Till now,that I understand why he used to call me when we were in exam week.BECAUSE I CALL HIM BROTHER ONCE.i still remember his sincere voice,advicing.I was too young to realize such a good hyung be my side.

     My soul that love beautiful nature and freedom feel so trapped.It feel like losing my smile nor my laugh.For long time, I wasn’t laughing nor brightly smile anymore.I feel like my wings have been broken raw while I yell ,screaming in pain.Walking to the market is too far to go?Mom,my soul feel the same way you said.Happiess seems to far already from my gasp…i could never enjoy running in the rain, hearing to the ocean wave…nor looking the sunset.I am losing myself faster than I could heal.

   The me who like to be wrapped by the beautiful of nature while walking….

  The me who like to sink her stress by staring everything in weekend market….

 The me who believe woman should be pure and kind heart to be able to love….

 The me who survive herself alone through big city with a piece of fears….

Slowwwingly…..turning into frozen queen.She stay in a snow though she is lonely…and scared.Rather than the icy snow,the coldness of her heart make her more in painful.Just like Young (That winter,the winds blows), I slowly  just surviving my life instead if living it.i learn not to have hope,i learn not to ask soo much...

Tear drop....Prince of Mermaid

     Hi,hello,As you know,today,i have been concerning about well-being of a" missing boyz" and me being having a love chat with my friend,I made myself vulnerable to feelings.When i do,'nampun namja' name will appear that exact time...When my heart have a hole for feelings.
http://youtu.be/bzUExEdx_3Y

      At first i want to advice him not to settle down until you find the type of person who give you the same pain as "All love is the same" song is all about....but i stopped myself.I'm afraid he could find  a painful heartache i have going through.As the song said,even we avoided him,but at some point you will meet that one person.He defies all my taste type.He wasn't perfect at all,but in my heart,he is no,1 person in perfection because he made me brave enough to gamble with my feeling.And i lost!In front everyone ,i want to be protective but when it comes to him,i want to be protected.I have meet him.I HAVE MET THE PERSON WHO HURT ME DEEPLY.

ALL LOVE IS THE SAME ~YANGPA

 Please don’t cry, don’t be sad
Love is all the same
The more you give your heart, the more your heart hurts
It’s only love if it hurts

Put away your tears, please smile now
Even if love makes you cry
If you really loved, if you really don’t regret
Then that is enough

* Repeat

Tears falling means that you loved
Even if you try to erase, it won’t be erased
When you long for that person, call out their name
When you’re so lonely, close your two eyes

When you miss that person and want to hug them
When your heart keeps wanting to cry
Yes, just go with the flow
Just how your heart used to love

Don’t try to forget, don’t try to erase
Because that makes it harder
When you miss him/her so much, when you keep thinking about him/her
Just long for that person

* Repeat

Even if you don’t try to meet that one person for you
At some point, you will meet that person
Because if it’s a person who is not for you,
No matter how hard you try, you will break up

Don’t be upset, don’t be lonely by yourself
Love is all the same
Like a blooming and withering flower, it’ll come again
Time is medicine

Just as you long for that person, just as you miss that person
When time passes, you will forget somehow

If it’s a person who is for you, you will meet that person
If it’s a person who is not for you, you will be separated
That’s what love is, that’s what separation is

I'll get over with him.I will.When i will,i will be thankful with him.Because if i meet another love (instead being great love,the ones that is true),i'll appreciate him because beyond the other things, he love me.I'm not searching for the person who hold me by his money,but he hold me by his warm hands (making i'm richer even all we can do is window shopping).I'm not searching for a person who is charm me by his intelligence but the person who  charm me by the way of he thinking of me (accepting me as i am rather than thinking ways to change me).I'm not searching for the person with magazine-cover face but  the person with the face i want to last my whole lifetime (a person who will grew old ugly with me).I hope to find ones,the ones that give his heart to me for keep instead of tossing my feeling up and down before leaving.

MISSING BOY.....

   Hello,monday...At first, i planned to talk about something else...but i was shocked about one of the "boyz missing from the radar.I won't say he is a part of my dongsaengi list as we barely talk to each other.but.... i am sincerely concern about him.
    As for  our perspectives,we see him as an angelic ones,who didn't supposed to dissappear...so,when things like this happens,even me who barely close to him feel a lot of worry flowing down my veins.i do....i feel really anxious....i feel uneasy...

     Some part of me feels....i wish i know him better...better that i could guess his action out of his personality.I know i have so-little role in their life....but as i said before,i always think them as my dongsaengi...it feel like my lil brother went missing.my heart somehow feel really ..really uneasy.
    i keep on checking my fb in case some one from my friends'range would seen him somewhere.
    Oh,,,god,please return him back to his family.Please calm the anxious heart of their by his return.Please,god.

CARA MAKAN BUDU

INGREDIENT:
1)Budu
2)1/4 bawang merah /onion
3)1 biji mangga muda/mango
4)1 biji limau nipis
5)2 biji cili kecil

method/cara:
1)potongkan bawang merah cili kecil ,dan mangga muda (lebih halus).
2)tuangkan budu dan campurkan ketiga-tiga bahan sebelum memerah limau nipis.Ia akan membuatkan
   budu berasa lebih sedap.

SWEET ROTI TELUR

 Kanak-kanak mungkin menggemari rasanya berbanding rasa roti telur biasa tapi kena berhati-hati sebab gula cepat hangus.

Ingredients:
1)Bread/ roti (5 keping)
2)Egg /telur (2 biji)
3)2 t/s Sugar/gula
4) Minyak masak/cooking oil

cara/method:
1)Potongkan roti kepada 4 bahagian
2)kemudian,salutkan roti dengan telur yang sudah dikocok dengan sudu.
3)taburkan gula di kedua bahagian roti kemudian gorengkan.

p/s:perhatikan apabila roti dibahagian tepi mula bertukar kecoklatan,sila angkat segera.

7 types of woman.....

         Hi,hello,i'm here. In nowadays perspective,there are 7 types of women.it might be not similar different arrangement...buttt.....overall,it is how the world rules. :) ....eventhough it is hard to believe, people look what in wrapped around you before going inside your heart.Snow White?In reality,Snow White just died of poison.Why would people create hospital if love could do all?Cinderella?Grow old behind in old kitchen of her stepmother...or it might be too late when the prince realize there is a princess behind the servant apron...If you did go out (hidden in kitchen),even destiny couldn't forced a prince into you..right?okay,proceed......
1)Exclusive DINING...

What kind of women is an 'exclusive Dining'?The ones that sell the magazine,face products and give another women reason to hate while serve as every man's dream (as similar).Just like the quantity of exclusive dining (little),they just as small and normally walk in their high-heels.Just like exclusive dining,guy might be lining up but only certain that are able to taste her attention eventhough the quantity doesn't satisfy your hunger.Guys must own their own EXTRAORDINARY CHARM as their ticket in but it doesn't guarrantee happy end.This type normally labelled as TROPHY GIRL for guys as even a sip of exclusive dining means you win a lottery in front of the other.Though not all of this type of gold digger,though it might be one moderate lucky guys,but most of the time,they didn't doll up just to follow a husband's lead.This type of women normally own of desire point (either money nor love),once you are able to fulfill it ,you can keep her for good.

2) Cafe Bistro
    Similar to Cafe Bistro that sell breads,they normally shine by their one specialty and they play it well.They doesn't necessarily have exclusive beauty as 'exclusive dining',but they have enough to keep the love going.This type of women is normally one-guy women but she is not the type for one love forever.This is the most common girl on the planet earth.This type wasn't as choosy as they could ended up after 3,4,5 love trial.Pepole usually come 3,,4,5, times to the same cafe if the bread is tasty,right?Instead of being fulfill (like exclusive fulfill), this type of women are searching to fulfill something in man just as breads are used to fill our stomach.They are 'care-taker' but you must be careful among them,there are fake ones.this type of bread instead of filling your stomach,they could stuck as FAT.You only could taste the regret after you weigh on scale (get married).
~to be continueddd~