FROZEN:TALE OF ICE QUEEN

Hi,hello.today,’nampun namja’ did the thing I waited him to do.All is this long,I think he was ignoring me because maybe…maybe ,somehow, he knew that I ‘WAS’ deeply in love with him,but today,through his action of like, I knew.Now,I’m just a girl who not worth his time even a split sec.The ‘ME’ that got teary (true tears….okay) every I listen to ‘touch love by Mirae’ nor ‘Crazy about you by Hyorin” because of him,is someone is NOT worth even a sec of his time.The ‘ME’ that easily willing to give up every beauty,every single dollar ,every single sec  on him is too wasteful to be glanced even at once.I was half crazy missing him,crying ,begging to god,to at least to be allowed on his side,is too trashy to be cared now.

      Actually,I feel like hell now.I was devastated,disappointed with my life.I feel like everyone think I’m a person who not worth their split second in home…and everywhere.Mom?Always.Once of the time that remains scarred in my heart,is when I asked why does she cares for my sister much more?”…..she wasn’t denying it..but “because she need me more.”Did I need to left alone just because I look strong? Because of that answer, I grew hardly alone in my heart. Nowaday,at home,who got man bows under her feet is the most popular.I’m sorry but I failed.My heart hardly love one person ,so,I’m not the person who are able to drag dozens of man around.I’m sorry.I have somebody in my heart.

     Even my brother, Cigarettes’s ashes  act wasn’t helping.He wasn’t even trying to fake his position as brother.Does I was too trashy even to be cared about ,brother?Could you fake it once in a while?Cause I will acted like it was real.Lately, I remain stomach cramp hyung.Till now,that I understand why he used to call me when we were in exam week.BECAUSE I CALL HIM BROTHER ONCE.i still remember his sincere voice,advicing.I was too young to realize such a good hyung be my side.

     My soul that love beautiful nature and freedom feel so trapped.It feel like losing my smile nor my laugh.For long time, I wasn’t laughing nor brightly smile anymore.I feel like my wings have been broken raw while I yell ,screaming in pain.Walking to the market is too far to go?Mom,my soul feel the same way you said.Happiess seems to far already from my gasp…i could never enjoy running in the rain, hearing to the ocean wave…nor looking the sunset.I am losing myself faster than I could heal.

   The me who like to be wrapped by the beautiful of nature while walking….

  The me who like to sink her stress by staring everything in weekend market….

 The me who believe woman should be pure and kind heart to be able to love….

 The me who survive herself alone through big city with a piece of fears….

Slowwwingly…..turning into frozen queen.She stay in a snow though she is lonely…and scared.Rather than the icy snow,the coldness of her heart make her more in painful.Just like Young (That winter,the winds blows), I slowly  just surviving my life instead if living it.i learn not to have hope,i learn not to ask soo much...