LIFE NOT WORTH LIVING...

      Have you wonder about LIFE NOT WORTH LIVING?i've ...a few times about my life.Not only that,i have even wonder once is it living or 'the other wise' better for someone with no values?Truthfully,i asked few times for me.Similar to Oh Young, i wish to be happy living my life but....i'm losing the reason slowly now...I ask  a few times that question.and a few times i asked,did someone notice if i wasn't around?Will someone cry for unworthy me?
     Then,i answered myself.Even dying is a hard thing to do especially when you're sick.You will be cost a lot.You have to have a looot of money tooo...It will cause your 'surroundings' a huge burden.'Surrounding' is what you call for those who have to stay with you without a choice.If there is a re-selection,will i get chosen?Will they still do hold my shovering heart,warming  my cold heart?
                Should i live happily then?You have to have someone who sincerely have you in their heart to do that or else,the loneliness will eat you up.You have to have your value,even so,can you be sure? For me,even it is for fake,as long it doesn't show,i'll be HAPPY~HAPPY LAND.Like Oh Young,i'll fake my brother as long he are willing to smile,at least pretending to care in front of me.Be by my side.Truthfully,from my heart, i did think happiness from the loved ones will owned by just one type of human.If was like happiness nowaday only come in the form of tempting dollars or beautiful seduction?Did they?I did say i am a fairy nor kind goddess who deserve to get chosen,but how about my bestfriend,'the cat lover'?She is a living goddess on heart,but they are blind enough not to see her?a small part in my heart,do believe short armed wangja is that type too.Of course,who didn't?Shiny dollars doesn't buy my desire to love,neither model-look...i just want someone who my heart willing to love?too picky....it wouldn't even bias over thick ringgit...It may got tempted by lovely face but it doesn't move a single real emotion.Does it being picky or being real?
                 Neither this,nor that,the greatest and low-cost punishment,is just to live your live miserably.Does love even exist for real,god?It does i think,bevause it make me feel so in pain.This is sincerely from my rotten heart.Omma,neun...chaebal nega sarang..ne?Could you not show your burden face eventime it come to me?Could you please not show i am not loved as much as other?I won't bother as long it doesn't show.Like a cat,i'll keep leaning eventhough you pushed me by your foot.But please don't show it too much that i'm ..that much of burden...that i'm a waste of time or money (even on interview letter or my friends),ne?Please?I'll pretend that you love me mucchh...Let me fly away from your nest if a worm is too expensive for another mouth.I know you won't bother a worm or two...but things about me that complicate you is burdensome.Din't they,omma?Let me learn to fly on myown....Sent me away to live on myown instead of keeping me here.You didn't do it?Your worry look  (over money will be used on me as i'm moving especially about the job offer things), your burden look (that world is too bad to be lived by me),Cigarrate Ashes ( there is no other men that i 'm worth their time with),THAT LOOKS is the looks that stop my step,burying my free heart.
    Rather than looking that expression of yours,i am rather be hurt by my ownself....alone.You...omma is actually THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON in my life.If you didn't approve my love,even it means i will never love again,i'll follow your leads,Omma.Even one word from you could cause a lot of tears for me...because in this whole world,you are the most important ones.A compliment (nice ones) from you will made me smile all day even the other critize me.
   Till my taste of guys,it related to you.I want a guy who love taking responsibility toward their parent,because not only him,there will be another heart that i will be able to pour my tans of love with.With him,i want to treat them with the world.Being one big family....how happy is that.

    He that is loved so much by them ,that he learn to protect emotionally-vulnarable person like me.Instead of prisoning me inside of glass and gold castle ,being terrified of getting a cut ,he holding my hand to face the danger.Instead of cover me by his body,we bleed together,so that,he will not be the only ones who is strong.Even i become strong ,even i change,despite my laugh,despite my tears,despite my insecurity,despite my confidence,

he will hold my hand tight.God,could you give me such a person?Please?I'll love him my whole life without missing a blink.If giving is too hard,could you borrow me him?ne?