LATE add on...

 Our unuseful-hyungnim might spot my major 'fault' of mine...and i don't seem to bother.May be a bit....but it is all abnormal family to begin with.Who cares?Him?He is 50 % contributing reason of why this family is abnormal...In this family,the secret sometimes too big to be hear by ear.TOO BIG...the same fault i did commit (i admit) was admitted by my sister once,only she did know i caught her.I keep my silence.In general.it didn't suprised me ...somehow.MY family is unexceptionally abnormal.I'm not proud...but i lived with it everyday.

Woman Material....7 TYPES OF WOMEN

  Hi,hello....today i've been thinking about 'short-arm wangja'.Starting last week is a long holidays...there is one tiny minny palce in my place that worry,how he find the ones during this holidays?i hope not...
   And one more, 'nampun namja' is going out with her girl in other words,confirming their relationship.Sekki!!Fortunately,it didn't give me painful....painful...heartaches.Somehow,it annoys me.When i  think about it,am i his 'TOOL' to get to her?there is one time that he definitely used that...but the entire time...?Sekki....nampun nom..if it is the intention,BE HAPPY THEN,YOU BAD GUY...i hate this kind of act than play 'curse' with guys.
    I want to find someones who deserves me...how?If  keep my value low,right?What kind of 'things' that i have,that could hold the one person i want...?In similar case, if everyone have equal chances to pick ,where they gonna eat....would you choose exclusive restaurant with quality,restaurant with cheap foods (where cats running around), 7-ELEVEN (fast,but you can't stay to eat long), cafe bistro (with one type of food,most of it fattening),  hospital food,or trash can.And the definition is DEFINITELY different from girls and guys.Would you guess what kind of personality come out from this 6 places?continued to tomorrow...
   OH...One more,the fairytalic groceriess store....7 of all...

 Exlusive dining?

Simple 7-Eleven?

hospital food?

Separation:....the one end of the road

   Hi,hello.it's me again.I haven't been able to write in a few day.Today,i watch '2 DAYS 1 NIGHT' where Joo Won said his last good bye to his friends for the last time.Basically,it drown me in tears.I HATE IT.I HATE ANY KIND OF SEPARATION  from the beginning of time.It tear my heart especially it remind me a lot of friends  in my glorious era.
   
  i hate separation because it is so painful to get over it.It would be painful when the person we cared about eventually forgot about us.THAT IS HOW WORLD ARE CIRCLING...yet, i hate being forgotten the most.
      Lately, i finished my period of work for this year.It means, for some dongaengi i concern about,it would be goodbye for us.I hate it. i thought it won't matter so much as i know where i sits...but it hard.May be i told other how this kids are chaebol (come from money), truthfully, i don't care a bit.FOR ME,THEY ARE A MY LITTLE BROTHERS i always dream to have.For the outsider,they are elegant and graceful scholars but for me,they are my lil brother. sometimes,they are as cute as fluffy kitten like 'Park Soo ha', sometimes they are just like kindergarten boy like 'Rugbi ajusshi', sometimes they are cutely reckless, like 'angry boy'.

I like the most of them is how they work hardly as themself in anything they like,because for me,every cents isn't ours until we earn it ourself.Instead,how they work to make themself,the 'them' that they want s exactly impressed me.At the end of the day,i am the proud noona who able to be by side of her brothers.BUT DON'T WORRY ,SLOWLY I LEARNED TO COOP WITH THAT.
 Not to mention,my past relationship weren't as successful because of this,i think.When things got serious,i become so afraid.i hope short-arm namja could be the cure...he had been happy the last day.
but i am talking about the best----friends forever separation.Sometimes,i hate being forgotten by them,but as i watched Joo Won,i thikn by myself.In my perspective,they do seems to forget me...but do i think that in their shoes?For me,they are these person who leave ...without looking back.But don't i do the same?And what do i do to make them remind me as a good friend? Nope,i don't do nothing.And when we do have to start to move step by step,didn't i take the same steps also?As much as they leave me,didn't i leaved them the same way too?Worse,i made new memories as if the memories with them are forgotten when it wasn't true.Because of i met them, such a good friends, that i able to be a good friend to my new friends.The part of them in me that pass down toward my new 'chinggu' as warm love.that is that much they meant to me...every of my friends...if i want them to just stay in the past with our memory,it would be extremely selfish...because i will not be able to be there,it would be painful....really painful.i didn't want that.So,we have to move on ''on the same pace".Saranghae,chinggu ah....there always the good part of you remains in me....i'll always be a good friends....thanks to you...

     ps:Short-arm wangja,could you smile always...ehehehe..would be nice...

A letter to heart

       Hi,hello...today,short-armed wangja appear again.once again,i'm ( the best speaker) had came to silence mode once again.Why?i wish many times,my mouth could smoothly speak as it is but i became clueless.God,help me....please.Isn't love suppose to be simple?Since when does it become so complicated?I wish i have beautiful uncomplicated love like 'Kimberly chen: Ai ni'.Just ended up as pretty as it is.I wish....one not-perfect love.

      My lil niece,y  had cause more trouble again.For me,despite other's saying,she is as pretty as a garden of flowers but flower with extreme fragrance made us dizzy.She have this strong personality and she TALK endlessly..more than normal kids would.What kids that talk non-stop while the listeners is playing laptop with the earphones on?Sometimes,she has more than my patience should hold.I love her that one day without her,is not a day AT ALL...i swear to god...but sometimes,i asked my self,what does a 23-years bachelor ended up raising a-6 years daughter when she wasn't through to the phase yet?i went to every her school events.neglecting the youth supposedly i been through now.Yet,i love her to that much.And the talking? ...that once in a while,drives me crazy.Because of that,may be....i prefer a silence-mode baby such as Aish...so cute.Cried once in a while..all you have to do is tuck him in your arms and he is satisfied,have him as my baby is a wonderful life.Let him run loose when you cooked,when he is tired.tuck him so that he sleeps.how pretty...
     A kid ask me,to find someone to be my boyfriend so that,i could endure the boreness of the job...truthfully,that moments,i can't lie that i instantly remember .nampun namja.i couldn't lie that i'm not that eager finding somebody new...and though he's joking about his friends,my heart keep saying,"none of them,have his personality.so,nopeeee.....".he is a reference frame...that is hard to replace...but i believe someday,somebody will replace his 'importance' in my heart..could short-armed namja be it?glad if it does happen...that day will come....
   to the 'you'....let us love each other in an such unperfect love ,heading unperfect life happily, perfecting each other presence.i will be your DIAMOND for that,honey.

sincere songs on sincere love....

http://www.youtube.com/v/qdSnCtMjyIY?version=3&autohide=1&autoplay=1&attribution_tag=voeOG7YFYJveHUkGYXXPQQ&autohide=1&showinfo=1&feature=share
愛你(Ai Ni)-Fondant Garden OST [eng] Park Jung Min朴政珉&Jian Man Shu簡嫚書

Pieces left

       Nampun Namja....i've decided to keep him as part of my memory that will always means to be tears for me.'Nampun namja', he will always be my 'sarang'....until i meet my 'true ones'.I decided to keep him until my D-day expired,the day he GET MARRIED or the day,SOMEONES (I Hope to be short arm wangja) else managed to put the pieces of my heart Why i foolishly doing that?For now on ,the future will be one or two options,going to HIS WEDDING,

                   1)going pathetically alone ...

                    2) hand by hand with SOMEONES...

someone who  shelter me from all the pains in the world.i COULD NEVER BACK UP  again in my life if i choose the first ones.I would break hardly that i would lose my purpose of living.

I want to find

       somebody that wouldn't let me LOVE ALONE anymore

       somebody that think i deserves all of HIM and SOMEONE BETTER

I want to find somebody better.So that,i could look to HIM and HIS YEOJA,'i find somebody better who love me endlessly and unconditonally....SOMEONES that i could look into his eyes and saw my reflection (being pround to be his girl)....soemones PROTECTING me from my own fear that he could see'.

     ' I HAVE TO CHANGED INTO SOMETHING VALUABLE, 

                      IN ORDER TO BE NEXT TO SOMEONES OF THE SAME VALUE'

Even diamonds who shine if someones didn't dig it from underground.I'll be the DIAMONDS...that shine to the heart deserves my love.

         Short-Arm wangja is using teribble words to be used to namja to yeoja...is it because he is a lousy guy? is it because i didn't look 'that way' to him?Am i that kind of yeoja?i hope because he is lousy...is it possible?Sad...because if you keep that words going on,it is a sudden turn off to any feeling .

   p/s:Pray hard for all my dongsaengi...especially 'Park So Ha'.Please do well so that ,i could cursed you freely when you forget me in future. 

La 'Pancakes' De Familia... :)

Hmm...hari nie buat ape ye?hmm...nothing much to bother...tapi demi untuk mencapai GOAL aku,besok aku nak try balik rumah jalan kaki ,lepas kerja.AJA AJA FIGHTING!!!!Waktu kerja terasa boring jugak sebb dak2 exam...biasenyer diaorang yang suke wat havoc..hehehe...gonna miss them a lot though.
   Hari, tengok my lil 'park so ha',ulangkaji,nak exam katanya.Selalunyer tengok die nampak realx ajer.Normally him,'Mr.smiley' and 'pelanggan setia' made my day.Knowing them and the rest gonna do better,i can help to ask 'quenchana,dongsaengi?'.

   Malam ini,boreness that struck my sister finally showing positive side.She cooked us, her self-made pancakes and i fried some french potatoes (markah tolak untuk diet).It nothing much but the feeling of setting tables together always the best.hhehehee..hampir-hampir mustahil nak diet bile adik aku balik.





  Ya Allah,kuatkanlah hati aku dalam satu hal ini ,Ya Allah.Ya Allah,bantulah aku kerana ku tahu itulah yang terbaik.Aku tahu,untuk yang terbaik,maka,aku haruslah yang terbaik.Oleh itu,bantulah aku.

SHOULD'VE SAY NO~~~Love knock hard.....

       Hi,hello....sleepy and sleeping day for me,today.Originally,i want to write a little bout someone i called 'short-arm wangja' but currently,i listen to a song that reminds me a lot of my 'nampun namja'.I want to write this post TO REMIND ME not to FALL with this kind of love again because it will know me hard.

      Even remembering him upon this song make my stomache hurt so much.I cried hard almost every night watching the Master's sun as it reminds me of him A LOT.I have shielding myself hard that anyone barely penetrate the first layer even my mom.There is once time, that i cried so hard  (my eyes started swollen) but when my friends came,automatically,my smile grew instead of tears,and that is how i shield myself.Because PEOPLE when they say they will stay for your emotions,they are lying.No one want to hold others people tears when they have their own,right?Everyone like happy things.No ones will stay with those with constant tears.
      But him....he sort of  there even when it's raining, stormy and sunny.He used to be only ones that will listen to my sighs and work on it.He is the only ones that didn't run like my father did.He is the only ones that i think, will bother to ask rather than just 'EXISTING' like my brother.And both of that figures,made up the picture of MAN most in my life.He is the opposite.Rather than just 'EXISTING',he cared.Rather observing me fly,he teach how to use my wings.For the frist time,i wasn't afraid and ready to fall hard because i know he is there  for me to heal.Rather than cursing, he said 'i am a person who hardly listen to others'.
     To me,he used to be my sky (SINCE I KNOW I HAVE TO MOVE ON).You know how the sky is?The sky....always there in what ever weather...just there.For the first time,someone made me feel COMPLETE,so complete that i don't need another thing in this world...For the first time,i been happy so much that it reach the deepest core no one ever made it.I like him just this lot to the extend that i love his scar too.i just happy having my sky.
    That time,if he (if he flat brokes) , and the almighty SO JI SUB (that successful) open their arm reachimg me, within a sec of thinking (may be i ll think in 5 sec), definitely i run into his arm.Zero doubt at all.I will be happy even in a lousy hut.For so long,he standby me and i foolishly think fairytale could happen since i have this once true love.He was and will never be into me.Even i know it,i foolishly pray that he will just stick around (please just EXIST  for me to continue loving him).I pray to God, i won't ask for more, i won' be greedy.I will keep him well by restraining my love.I did.I helped him with his love.I prayer to his love (he want).i'm pathetic but i don't care until one day,HE STOP EXISTING just like that ,even as someone who was helped once.i didn't know why but he decide i'm no longer important,i'm no longer in his 'care' persons list,I was NO LONGER WORTH his time.Just like that....afterall, those..Even as friend,even a bystander,even as his lowly subject, there is no room anymore for me.I cried missing you for days and now,i am just another stranger to him...and yet-to-come future,'NAMPUN NAMJA'..jassshik.
      It is true,he is the 'sky' but i forget that he is the 'sky'.Even he was there,sky are meant for everybody.Even i looked the sky though the grip of my fingers and it looked like it's mine,it never be.for the start,i am not should to shield with you,sky.At the end,i was drenched wet by your dropping of rain.

    THIS IS MY REMINDER TO STOP.i will hold my heels up high beyond your sky,looking up high.There is another skies i could explore,another ground to discover,another winter to be breath in ,another road to be travelled and another HAPPINESS TO BE FOUND.i'll shine my sapphire,so that i'll  glow more than any oher presence anyone could be...AJA-AJA FIGHTING.
http://youtu.be/GyKG9M57zus

First Step....Prethenselia Amazon...

5 Nov 2013....
      I am  always think myself as the PRETHENSELIA of Amazon.I like myself being Prethenselia Amazon.Is it not like i like slavery but i like her courage to be a leader,of standing up.I like to be in high heel, work till the dawn knocking the door.As today,i pretty chained to my mattress,and i don't like it. i hate everyone have a journey while i am just here.I want to work it up somehow.I'm chained to the same 'me' ,i'm chained to same 'napun namja' (don't even start to ask)...and I NEED  CHANGE.And big smile....i decide to start today.....i cut it short (my hair) as the symbolic of 'throwing away useless burden i haven't been carrying....SUPRISINGLY, as it been cut....lil by lil, MY VISION grew wider.I no longer hid behind the black 'curtain'.This is MY FIRST STEP to change i want to to myself.Wish me Luck ...Peace to the world.
I'M FACING THE WORLD.
     
    Zhen Huan.
 "She owned her greatest intelligence,
   yet being wise is her choice-to-be,
 "She owned her awesome beauty,
  yet being reserved keep it more pricy,
"She owned her own 'seats',
  yet,being humble keep her friends,
 "She owned her sweats she  shed,
    yet,her brains make her owned her
     destiny......

   
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

So, Change the way you want to be.....good night.