Mirror ...Mirror on the wall,could you see my heart?

   You know,there is a reason it is a lil bit hmmm....how could i say...annoyed is not the exact word.hmm...embarrassing may be? to be walking and seeing relatives with my family and "slimmy fashionista".Although i left "MYSELF" behind by staying at home, the story id flying fast...sometimes faster and clearer than seeing with myown eyes.Everyone will be looking at looking through her as if she is international model.I don't mind the guy,because looking at that type of woman is somehow their eyes meal but when the ahjumma start opening their mouth....she does have her beauty (real beauty) and quite a good heart despite her look-like evil behaviour.Although they r not evil enough to compare but...it feel a lil bit awkward.Yeah,awkward when there r two single lady and what kind of mask should i put when they are keep praising another girl's beauty?if i add the beauty comment,it was like denying the fact that i did love myself better than anyone else , n also doing so,it was like i admitting myself into ahjumma gosipping group.If i don't and just smile shyly (happy for the other person),hmmm....awkward....because may be...because i grew my attitude through korean drama n whatsoever,i don't really think real beauty should be look that way. (this is solely my opinion).Honesty,if someone asked who person with real beauty ,i would answer "cat lover".Someone with such pure heart,innocent looks....that is real beauty...i wasn't lying....BUT that is not how the world look for.They are afraid in admitting that kind of beauty,because somehow,there is no tool than other heart to judge such a measurement and second, somehow,they know,that kind of beauty is unavailable or could be retrieve in plastic surgery or branded boutique.Logical explanation,right?Nevermind that...the point is,the awkwardness reach higher level,when: your mom proud look when she told us bout men looking my ll sis up and down ...up and down....deep in my heart,i feel a lil sorry for my mom,for not being able to be such type of girl that she might be proud of...How much i put on eye shadow.....foundation....layer by layer and layer,somehow,i look to the mirror,i wish i like myself more....I just like being myself.With or without make up,i like myself the most when i am smiling.I like myself the most when i felt myself lucky  to have met such a good love and have such good friends like "7 stars".But i really love myself when i smiles sincerely ,brightly....that is rare.

      In my futher planning,i argued with myself.Should i be the person i want to be?Should i be the person i should be?or a person my mom think i suppose to be? Those question comes with two choice and i wasn't quite sure bout it.

      I missed him a  lil bit (nampun namja).but i am really in good moving on progress.I can't talk much since i might make me relaps on him and go to "rehab".but i still can't watch "master' sun" and hearing to "hyorin:crazy of you"...yet...somehow,someday,may be ,i will.May be i'll be laughing someday bout this...may be....god,please let it be...