cynical FAIRYTALE:Love beyond the L.O.V.E

   today,i chatted with an old friend, "slanted eyes" after a few times of she tried to start a conversation on facebook.She never do it before....before she found or anxious about a secret hold by me and "regional goddess".tiredlessly,she tried numeruos times.This afternoon,thinking that may be she actually cared,i return her message.I was thinking about establishing a normal chat about our life, "how had she been","how had i been","how life is going"...if you didn't others but the secret,at least try to fake it for 5 -10 minutes,you woman....look like you do...do you expect people would actually and suddenly burst a secret after a "hi"? And i am asking about a van' fare rate,and you answering ," yeah...i am waiting for his "after -work-message" but there is none"? How is it related?You are totally ignoring my question and how is it a conversation? i hate "intentional conversation" (persembangan dengan sengaja) the most... the ones you create not because you cares about what i want but only what you want only what you care.It is insincere,dear friend.As far as i try,i am trying to keep you for life and this? i know you want to show that you have one guy finally hanging on you but....oukkine..(supper funnnyy)...but you suppose to wait until i asked "how is your love life?" or something like that.i wil ask because i am your friend (that is what i do) and because i know you want me to ask.i am your friend so,i know you better than anyone else.First timer?hheheheh...super funny...you're so lack of experince..Your head is full of him,did you?you wanna show everyone ,that you're so much in love that you feel like he is the only ones ?Soo...tooo much..rookie in love...funny...for first timer,you are forgiven.For advice,neverr ever expose your guy too much till he actual said the word," will you marry me?" WITH A RING....you put your man,your feeling and your heart in great danger and your man is the ones i have the LEAST worry of.People could be judging...it is supposed to be shared only be your trusted friends.You are in great danger,girl....but hope it reallly work.
     And i know you are dying to know about the secret or how and have i got a man for myself,right?sorry....access denied.It is not because you are on bottom list of my bff or something,it just couldn't.A secret is being keep a secret sometimes because it is good to be that way.i feel bad bout it but once again,access denied.
     A few days ago, "short armed wangja" came to my exact work plaace.at first ,there is nothing as both of us are busy...then he leaved but soon enough,he came right to back and i called him by name (not because i am trying to flirt ,okay? but for work matter)....When he turned....he turned....he smiles really really brightly that i though a rose is blossoming from his smiles...it is really pretty.There is one type of smile he have ...not always...but when it does happen, i am stunned.
   Oh..my interview's result is coming out next week or next two week....truthfully,  i hope i get it but...There is a but..i don't want to be the first batch to go,that means the february-ones.I am hoping i am one of the last piece to be called.Under my family circumstance now or coming few months,i can't afford leaving my family just yet.My older sister,demonic diamond  is having a baby in february or mac,as far for now (without any newborn baby) i am handling everything for my niece,"lil goddess",ouri omma is old enough.Now,the situation is messy enough,how about the giving birth time?Who gonna help the old omma?She will died from exhaustion.And the most important time,during the first few month of baby born,my lil goddess will be abandon.Mom will be extremely busy with sis  and her babby too (since i've seen it before),who gonna fix lil goddess to school,back of school and food? God,i am not ungrateful.I hope you give me a chance to change my life but if i am not the list,could you give me a few month late? Just until sis heals fron her pain, and routine come back to normal? Please ease the burden ouri omma will be carrying.De,God?Please,Please?De?I am not greedy to be trying the impossibles but could you let me be a good daughter for once?

     Love...is something that everyone want,desire and need...but if you're growing mentally physically ,you will know,it doesn't made entirely your life.You are not teenage anymore ,who live in fantasy land which you just lay asleep and some random guy come and kiss you.Right,slanted eyes?There is thing else more important,living life.You couldn't love unless you live ,right?Responsibilites,family, and sometimes ,bills...mouth to feed eventhough you aren't married.I want love,i desire love and i worked toward it ,but i couldn't spend my day thinking bout just love.Just because you are as excited as a hyper-6 years old,looking,peeking for for a prince,it doesn't mean it will comes.It will comes when you are fit enough to love or it will be just be another wasteful love.That is called the games of fate.Fit enough? does it means,when you are all-set to seduce?Nope,When your heart keep telling you that that man in front of you is a man you could not live with....that is  (no matter how it turn to be) a real love.And wasteful love? it doesn't have to be a bad meeting with a "werewolf".Wasteful love just happen when your heart just desire for a "living trophy" instead lifetime company.It is like studying last minute when you peek-a-boo a page after another in less a second instead of knowing the lesson by heart.Even a prince look like half price garage sales for you.Love...is a lifetime company...finding the missing "other half of you".