TRAIN OF LIFE: a map heading to my heart

   Today,i watched "Waiting for love by BoA".My eyes tear up a lot.That drama deserves an Emmy Award.It tell how real life in such a fairytalic way. Do you know what is it feels like forcing yourself into someone that barely touched your heart?Someone who neither working on the key of heart nor feels like he is ever be part of you yet,everyone keep telling you he is the right ones?And yet,your heart is loving someone soo unreal? Or do you know what is it feels like forcing yourself into the life you never cross your mind to or wishing to?What is feel like having your life going on here,where your heart could tell  heaven and earth of difference from the ones you sketched?it feel like you are standing in the train station ,waiting for the train that never come.You wait.....and you wait....and you wait...till the world that at first,is as colourful as rainbow turning into grey in colour.
 You hope to get over with,but you are will just ended up stuck there if you stop.Eventhough there are slight sense in you telling that your train have left the station.....but you can never give up because it
means you are surrendering your destiny to be just grey and leftout.That is for more you than getting in the train who will colapse in the middle of the way...it far more worse than having to walk on yourown.Sometimes,you feel like your heart coated with a wax that avoid you from experiencing any sincere feeling and just serving responsibilities like basic food.

    It is frustrating....and stressing....because sometimes,like "Waiting for love",although it is beyond reality,we hope there is someone waiting for us in his red umbrella,waiting with thousand of smiles.Sometimes we wondering if the road we take was travelling by "ouri namja" sometimes ago...or we might pass on the street not knowing that someday fate will bring us together.i means,i used to do it...BELIEVING THE FATE.Everytime ,i went to some place beautiful or new like the beach "7 stars" used to go ,i will write my love's name on the sand or ground as hoping that the trip of mine with him in my heart is as if it was his travel too.i'll be there experiencing it for both of us.Someday,long ago,i was a person that hope for miracle.

    Lately, i've feeling like getting myself trap in a world that is so loud.Everyone is louder....sometimes too loud.EVERYWHERE...yelling everywhere when none of those were for me...but the loudness contaminate my peaceful world or thinking.i dislike people yelling as the more you are yelling ,the more uncivilized you are.if yelling or fighting could solve any problem ,why the mafia always ended in the jail?Are you a mafia?Shikkuro....miwwoooyoo...i never heard of any yelling person or angry "birds" is a happy person.....Why you choose to be unhappy bringing unhappyness (okay,made up words) to your surrounding?Life is short.Even if it is as long as 1000 years,there is no use of it without any happiness.There are reason why God made you move lesser mucles when you smile...
    And eventhough i am moving on him (nampun namja),yet.....when i was floating beyond my stress level,i am still thinking of him...as someone who made me really really (jinja....) happy.There is still times,that i hope he just appear...just appear in front of me.It doesn't matter if it mean i can only look him from far.So that,i could somehow smile again.If someones ask me to adress on how happiness was,i would say "the time that he was around".i used.
    But as i am moving on him,other problem  arise....i have given up to love...almost entirely.it is a bad new for a 24-y old.I'm more focusing on raising mu niece, "ouri lil goddess" too much for a bachelor like me.I am almost a mother for her.The things her mother left unsettled,well,i am picking it up one by one...This wasn't a right thing to do at all...right?My day  is about preparing her thing for school,picking up her with my mom,then another school and now,checking her homework...I have giving up on him ...but the problem is my heart is settled down with love...How?How could i solved this?I was fired up anymore,i wasn't as eager as a 24-years old should as if i am missing a piece of puzzle...but i shouldn't comeback on loving him,as although i tried everything to improve myself,but the pain is killing my heart an inch by an inch...What should i do?ottoke?chaebal.....ne?