Friday, 17 January 2014

Seeking for happiness:lifetime decision

    Hi,hello.nega watta.a few days ago, I watched the last episode of “princess’s Man”…to the scene where the “kongju” and her husband (half dead) ended up in the prison.She have to made a decision who  could determine the life of her man,herself and her unborn baby: should she try to stop her man from his fight which reflect his self the most for the sake of their life?or Should she let him go knowing this definitely will bring the end of her man’s life and the starter of fatherless life  of her baby?She have travel miles of journey,longest day to be letting him go just like that but she loves him knowing that there is an end of the road.I asked myself…and yet,I didn’t any solid answer eventhough I did try imagining myself in her shoes.Why?when “kongju” have a baby inside of her,so,she should begged her not to go,right?Grabbing the man I loved away from his dream he have shed blood for. For something he did give his life for…is like ordering him to stop living his self,didn’t it?didn’t we love our man because of hisown self (character for who he is)?Could you bear being his “what if”…everytime he stare the sky in the evening,sighing? Yet,Could you bear losing him to his own fight when your baby is growing out of hardness not having a father and you….crying over his picture everytime the memory strikes?See…even I think it over and over,I couldn’t get any answer….love is too complicated…it neither can be too easy nor too hard.
     Oh..ohh….talking about similar kinda stuff…”nampun namja”,am I suddenly in your list again?Suddenly I am qualified to be at least your spare time list?you throw me away and you picked me up again?Am I your trash ,ya?The first time,I was smiling and I really am…I even went to work with new spirit,it was like I am ejected with new kinda energy.I become lively again.I feels like a person again.I worked that day like my energynever gonna finish forever.I have the person nega puggochiposo… again even  in such hair-thin kinda connection but I was thankful.i was thankful that now, I can go to his wedding someday,whispering to the song “raja ki aeyegi barat” with accepting heart …of a friend rather than just as a person who is letting her love go.Let him go and dance with all your might to wish him a happiness.

http://youtu.be/xp_LarNCtsM


Raja[1] ki aayegi baaraat
Prince Charming’s wedding procession will arrive

Raja ki aayegi baaraat
Prince Charming’s wedding procession will arrive

Rangeeli hogi raat
The night will be festive/colorful

Magan main naachoongi
I will dance joyously

Ho, magan main naachoongi
Oh, I will dance joyously

Raja ki aayegi baaraat
The prince Charming’s wedding procession will arrive

Rangeeli hogi raat
The night will be festive/colorful

Magan main naachoongi
I will dance joyously

Ho, magan main naachoongi
Oh, I will dance joyously

Raja ki aayegi baaraat
The Prince Charming’s wedding procession will arrive
---------------------
Raja ke maathe tilak lagega
A tikka powder [2]will be applied to the groom's forehead

(Rani ke maang sindoor[3]) x.2
(Sindoor will be put in the parting of the bride's hair) x.2

Main bhi apne mann ki aasha
I will also fulfill

(Poori karoongi zaroor) x.2
(My heart's desire) x.2

Mehndi[4] se peele honge haath
With henna, my hands will be colorful

Saheliyon ke saath
With my girlfriends

Magan main naachoongi
I will dance joyously

Ho, magan main naachoongi
Oh, I will dance joyously

Raja ki aayegi baaraat
The Prince Charming’s wedding procession will arrive
---------------------

Rani ke sang raja doli[5] sajaake
Adorning his carriage with his queen

Chale jaayenge pardes
The king will take her away to a foreign land

Haan, rani ke sang raja doli sajaake
Yes, adorning his carriage with his queen

Chale jaayenge pardes
The king will take her away to a foreign land

Jab jab unki yaad aayegi
Whenever her memories will come to me

(Dil pe lagegi thes) x.2
(My heart will yearn with pain) x.2

Nainon mein hogi barsaat
There will be rainfall of tears in my eyes

Andheri hogi raat
The night will be dark

Akeli main naachoongi
I will dance all alone

Haai, akeli main naachoongi
Oh, I will dance all alone

Raja ki aayegi baaraat
The Prince Charming’s wedding procession will arrive

Rangeeli hogi raat
The night will be festive/colorful

Magan main naachoongi
I will dance joyously

Ho, magan main naachoongi
Oh, I will dance joyously

Raja ki aayegi baaraat
The Prince Charming’s wedding procession will arrive

     As soon as that happened,that night,I dreamt of him.Rather than comfort feeling I used to  feel,I dreamt of him with a wary and anxious feeling of when he gonna be “dismissing” me from his side.it was like I am falling into a deep hollow hole and every day,I can only  climb 2-3 step…and now,my feeling is all over the place.As much as I am happy and want to be in his list, but if he “dismiss” me again,it was like falling again to that hole when you almost crawl out.When I didn’t know any reason for that…
     May be he start noticing before…though I did keep it well,Who know?Even before my feeling developed toward him , someone feel uneasy ALREADY…even BEFORE….funny…yet,it took longer time before I ended in this road.But…if he knows…he should know one other thing.WHEN I CHOOSE TO LET MYSELF LOVING YOU ,I HAVE GIVEN UP ALREADY ON MAKING YOU LOVING ME BACK.it is too much of expensive wish.WHEN I DECIDED THAT MY LOVE TO YOU COULDN’T BE RESTRAIN ANYMORE,I PROMISE TO WORK FOR YOUR HAPPINESS ,INSTEAD OF MINE AS LONG AS I WAS ABLE TO SEE YOU.WHEN I SWORN  TO LOVE YOU, I KNOW I’LL HAVE TO LOVE YOU BY MYSELF ONLY.So,if you think of me wanting to steal you from your yeoja,you are insulting my love.After time passed by till now of me loving me,another “cause” have stray me a lot for wanting you.a “cause” that I always promised myself to given up my love with…I did it for you and that.After long time,I just want you here as a friend….that is it.Just a simple request….oh..i get a lil too emotional ,again?huh…

     Today,I am really out of mood.from starting of day to now,I just….not in the mood.May be because of this fever.May be from the boyz.i noticed the fever –flu-cough is spreading again.I am not feeling good…at least not too much.talking bout work,I noticed one more thing, I and that kid,”specky snobby”…arghh..such a weird kinda connection?As it seems like we want to talk and we’re willing to…but when we do,it just become so serious as if we are talking about world war 4 ,when we are just talking about simplest thing in the world.He was no longer snobby but it feel weird to be more friendlier to him…when I heard my tone talking to him..TOO SERIOUS….why?didn’t know…yeah…too weird…others…yeah…warm…nice chat…even with new ones,that “M voice” ,it is easier than him.Watching “anygry boy” in his yearly book,yeahhh..missing his rudeness act again…heehehe..dongsaengi…ouri dongsaengi…


p/s: my sis, “demonic diamond” called me second mother for lil goddess.That is too much of a title for a bachelor like me.i keep my silence to that call.Eventhough I am current doing it (what a mother do) but to officially announce it,too much….

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