Hi,hello...Today,work is nothing much difference than yesterday.i could say....this year dongsaengi a lil bit hmm....not the fun type.Much of them is too polite while i prefer rude but respecting,weird like "angry boy"...or...calm like "Park Soo ha"...What is could say,all my dongsaengi last year more like snobby bad boy kinda as if they are coming out from any cool manga or korean drama.More entertaining going to work knowing you gonna watch a weird action coming from "money person".hheeeheheee....even when there is one of them was really rude.I like it as it look like a scene from korean movie...funny.As if "The heirs" coming alive there.this yeat,so far.....they are just like normal polite student.I feel like that.the new ones for now...are loud...too loud...bored.i bring his picture in my phone to my work place...crazy,huh?hhahaahahaaaa....it is not like i gonna kiss it all the time.Feeling like he's around,i feel safer and more myself.With that feeling,at least i am not trying to keep my virtue too high that i begin to lose my balance.I'm not trying to fall in love with him...i just want to feel safe...and warm sometimes.I want to feel like i have a place to turn to.heart,keep your role of separating the part well,okay?i didn't want to ended up like mom.
Mom said,that once she decided to lend her heart to a man she wish she can settled down with,that is only for once a lifetime.That person is my father.Unfortunately, my father was "blinded" to see that time.My mom eventhough she was "role-model" mom in my opinion,but,she is "the best wife ever in the world".For now,i am praying ...and praying not to ended up like that for this case ( nampun namja).it is too pathetic growing old alone looking through the window,while he build his fairytale castle on every drop of my tears (Which he will never be aware of).As my heart is closed (under construction),i am getting worried as i am a bachelor who turned her face from "lovable living things".What kinda bachelor is "brave" enough to do that?In my mom case,it is worth a lifetime although they were separating,as they are blessed with 4 "present from god".Me? What does it worth of all this things?In order to open another book,i have to learn to close another ones first.
Lately ,i just realized for 23 years of my life, i never envy even a person in my life.Everytime,i looked a person with advantage or anything i don't have,i grew stronger.in my eyes,they are someones with something better yet, me too...born with very unique personality too..for example, i like "cat lover"'s innocence behavior, or ...yes,mostly ,someones's innocence behaviour,because in this rotten world,being innocence is like living in neverland where you never grow old.But really,lately, my mood swings or behaviour have been a roller coaster especially with omma...poor her.(it is not like i yell but my silence usually more painful than my scream).May be because of the "moving on"?may be.May be because her super stressing royal order?may be.May be because of her returning,"catwalk chic"?I don't know.Or may be because i've given myself too much for "lil goddess" that there is a time i wish someones would pat me lil?may be...her too....omma sometimes could be pushy a lil.For 24 years,i have love and proud as myself more than ever (may be that's why i never envy others),but she is trying to change me more into "poddles" that could catch eyes of other "dogs".Someones who fall for beauty only,didn't he a "dog"?Just sending me to just anyone,would it settle your burden,omma?May be if you say "thank you" it would be the best present for me.May be i wouldn't be so weary.
but for now,the best wish i could have is a vacation...to some beaches like Pulau Perhentian with "7 stars"...really needed it...travelling ,walking side by side on broad day light...and night?watching some movies till late at night with a few snacks...how happy is it even to just imagining it....it is a happy thought.I am planing on a trip but being alone on a trip is just a waste of beautiful view.Travelling alone is ...errrgh..."cat lover" is financially not ready to travel far or for this moment.yeah, now,we have to live our reality,right,"cat lover"?We all does...As i am writing the title,i am thinking...and.yeah, i am exactly like Rapunzel living in the highest tower ,dreaming of the world she haven't see,missing someones she wasn' unsure of....painting the wall with a chalk ..For far of her tower,she could see the colourful circus going on,not knowing what exactly it is like,she dream of it day n night...and if i am the rapunzel,i'll....i'll ...climb down the wall and life the way i wanted...Although for now,the wall of tower might be high but someday,i will jump it...and live the way i wanted to.
No comments:
Post a Comment