A LETTER BEFORE NEW YEAR

        As expected,this is a letter for you,"nampun namja",A letter before new year before i'm hpoing as the NEW year bringing the freshness and the wind of january,i'm hoping the same for you.Is it any different than before? Yeah,i'm hoping in every letter i wrote to you it will be the last ones i ever wrote to you as my love.As for the arriving new year,i hope it would be the last.
     I watched the parody of Master' Sun by wooyung and the other girl.To speak the truth,i was the among 14 who dislike it.I'm feeling like as they are making a joke of the drama,they are making a joke of such love story ( as i always think of nampun namja as i watched the drama).They think is it funny to be so PAINFUL in love?Is it soo funny?No,it didn't.It is the pain that you coundn't in control with ...It is the pain that won't get over a long hour of shower,sweating in kitchen and days  of getting frustration at our ownself.To be feeling like he was the only "shelter" in this world,yet to be treated like that,the PAIN is so much that it compete for mere space than LOVE is.And i watched "the winter,the wind blows" where Oh Soo  said to Hee Sun, he would leave Oh Young ,so that they would meet again someday...even if they only pass by on street.So that,she could tell him,"how happy her life now.".i felt it so many times that i'll pray that he wouldn't tasting the 'down' of life.I was so afraid ,that he would be lonely in his life (because i know exactly how he is) ,that some of the times,it was me that ended up being lonely.I was afraid that he walk the path without any hands holding him ,that sometimes, i let go of the hand who try to hold me.NOW,I WANT TO STOP DOING THAT.i want you,"ouri nampun namja" to be in my memory.For that,i gonna write that word loud and clear,

" MY SWEET NAMPUN NAMJA,I LOVE YOU ONCE.I LOVE YOU ONCE THAT I'VE GIVEN MY LOVE, I'VE PAWNED MY PAIN FOR AND  OPEN ALL MYSELF FOR YOU.IT IS NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE HANDSOME (coz you are totaly the opposite),IT IS NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE RICH (your ordinary style defies all of that...i like the most bout you), IT IS NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE SUPER DUPER KIND (bcoz sometimes,your rudeness charm me the most)....
       IT IS BECAUSE MY HEART CHOOSE TO LOVE YOU,
           IT IS BECAUSE YOU MADE ME SMILE FROM HEART,
                 IT IS BECAUSE LOVING YOU IS BEYOND MY CONTROL.
Now,i'll treat you as a person i sholdn't love.Just aasuming i went beyond the border i shouldn't cross.there a fine friend, "loose ballad" said that " it is better not to think about love for now." i smile.He never love somebody that real.So,he won't know the feel of loving so deep,and the feel of afraid of holes that will remain as the "ones" leaves you.I am a lady of "crazy about you ~hyorin"..yaaaaa...So,it wasn't as easy as your loose heart,"loose ballad".Now,i'll treat you as a person i sholdn't love.Just aasuming i went beyond the border i shouldn't cross.That is it.
        Before, to avoid missing them so much especially ( regional goddess,cat lover,twin diary,slanted eyes,winter spiller,B-I-F ,Brownie In Fashion), i always though that the day after we being being away from each other,as a super long vacation.That one day,i'll comeback to the same place.and same smiles await.There will be the day that we laughed so hard that we are running out of breath,there will be the day that we hide our faces for eating in hut next to road on friday.As i could remember especially the third years,i had never eat alone except for...one?or two?or three? But for sure ,not more than four times of eating alones.I like it when we walk side by side on the road as if we will always have one another's back.They might not know it before,there was a time,i entered the poetry competition as i thought yes,,i am all shielded...but as soon as i was on stage,the first thing that my eyes rolled end-to-end of stage is for them.i was shaking like hell as they aren't there.It felt like i'm losing my backbone.BACKBONE...!!!!To me,all this long,they are my backbone.If nampun namja is conquered my entire HEART,they have always been my BACKBONE...They will always been.both of "7stars" and nampun namja to be combined that made ME.
as our goodbye-song "Aishiteru",even we are afar from each other,close your eyes when i miss them.I NEVER DO THAT.because being with them this whole 3 years,the 'ME" is made up from part of allof them. HOW COULD I MISS MYSELF?they are never far,not even an inch."7Star".
       CAT LOVER teaches me to  be warm to your surrounding especially the cat..( truthfully,before i met her,i hate cat that i once lied to my fiend that i hate cat becuase it killed my grandmother..bullshit.I was impressed a few times,with her and the meaning of family.She is warm.She teached me not to give up on person  how worthless they are....if Cinderella is real in this world,she could be her,the cat lover.)
      TWIN DIARY teaches me to believe in fairytale and gentle(she teaches me to be trustful that there is not even one of my secret skip her ,yet she was so gentle and fragile that i wish to protect her.She teach me,that sometimes,it is okay to be gentle,a women is made to be protected,right?
      REGIONAL GODDESS teaches me on being determine and being in love and beautiful (She teaches me,once you set your mind on it,you might split the mountain in two.Although she denies it over and over,somehow, i always think she was once in love deeply with someone.Because she is a good song interpreter Although it was unsure,that part of her i assume as the most pretty.She might not believing it too,i always think her as the most beautiful.)
    WINTER SPILLER  teaches on
being her ownself doesn't matter what. (She teaches me,to be our ownself in far more charming than pleasing other people.She is also as white as snow,yet she never used it to own a heart.She is someones with a good heart but own her own opinion.She care not about people perspective as long as we have ourself real.She is as sincere and sometimes pure as she looks)
  SLANTED EYES  i have considered her as my burning fire of competiveness.(She made me want to move forward.Eventhough she tend to be moody,but that is how family are,didn't they?She keep us ,our name up of course radar,by going here and there.She keep us together.She teaches me how important for the family to stick together happy or worse)
   B.I.F  teaches me on how being a woman is ( She teaches me that being a woman is not about the art of seduction  but by doing what a woman do.She teaches me the different between a woman and a slut.A slut might loose one or two her bra's strap but a woman?Woman is not only being s mart, quite okay face (loooking like the main singer of davichi) but being decent , good hands (kichen) and smooth word is also made you more woman)

        All this long,i am all of this.Being in new years,it doesn't mean that i have to throw all of "the trait" of theirs in a far far away memory,but i have to stop thinking that life is a long vacation.i have to stop believing that We are not going back to the place ,where we waved and hugged each other after a month or two vacation.As they are in my heart,i will assume they are by myside always ,so that ,i'll grow stronger and moving forward.This year new "azam" is loosing the grip of past and keep moving forward.We could never throw away our backbone but we used it to move stronger step ahead.Keep moving and moving....life is not long vacation,and your destiny is about moving to the future... :)