FRIEND STATUS

   Today...how should i say this?Today,i have a cold conversation with a friend," happy -happy land".He's a good friend,and we meet and tend to be a friend because we're happy with each other.Unlike me who like to stay in static relationship,he want to move further.Not only the timing is wrong,everything is wrong.the feeling  feels so wrong before.Same with " fluffy sulk" before,it wasn't happiness at all.Going serious makes feels like i'm cheating on somebody when there is not even a thread that tied me...WITH ANYONE.it make me feel guilty.Toward who?Who?
    I wasn't expecting this today.For now,i am really emotionally tired with any love...emotion.Too tired.This love i tried to let go had been using only suck the entire energy,tears and smile.It feels like going on roller coaster ride for 20 hours straight.You feels like you want to puke,you feel extremely dizzy,you feel like you are tired.you feel like your ground is shaking,All you want is a deep sleep.For at least a moment,i want to rest.May be after a few moment,when i am ready to play,i will...but this time,i'll make sure to put some"medicine" by my side.I didn't want to dissapoint another person anymore because now,i understand the feeling.
    2-years ,being with "fluffy sulk",because he never made it to my heart,he was like my side dish.We fought numerous times but there is always no declaration.He knew,i knew.We talk hours on phone,but...at the end,it ended the same.The feeling didn't changed.My eyes was always fixed on one guy.Truthfully,there is one time,"fluffy sulk" called right in front of nampun namja.All my heart keep asking is "Does he (nampun namja) felt a slightly (may be 23%) of curious of who was talking with?".We ended up stuck on the phase i didn't to proceed.
     Actually ,at this pic,i am EXACTLY like her.I need to sleep to lose the after-effect of missing a person who wasn't next to me.It feel more safe to think his presence is still around...so that ,someday,i'll heal.
    I didn't want to do it anymore.i know heart is a fragile stuff...Once it bleed,it leaves a deep scar.Until i am ready,i like to look toward "short-armed wangja".Because he aren't my side dish,he wasn't "teman-tapi-mesra",but he is my muse.Though i know it was my place to ask,and i know my feeling isn't as far toward love...that love for him,but i hope he stay in my sight.At least,until i am heal,and able to love others.Who didn't want to end up with such a guy,but becuase he is such a guy,he is too pricy.
    i believe in one thing,there is a times for everything right.I wasn't entirely forgot him...but i will not start others.This time,i will love right.i'm sorry,"happy-happy land"...i hope we can continued cheering each other like we used to be.I am unable to give more than that,especially for you.Can you just be my friend?Stop being pushy because i have push my heart too much for my current love.it is getting tiresome ...

p/s:Going to retreat to somewhere nice....going picnic.i hope i can enjoy it much...and smiles.