Great Vs True

    Today ,I talk with “smart heels” .She is looking for somebody.She want to settle down.She was asking for “short-armed wangja” and if he is available.I went into silence mode.Eventhough he  wasn’t in my love list,but… I was hesitant.

      Because he is my muse.i’ve tried many times swaying myself into loving him or pictured myself next to him,but it ended up just like low-rating drama.He is some sort of assurance that I won’t running back toward nampun namja.I won’t.i can’t afford any tears nor heartache.I have enough a lifetime.is it not that he doesn’t make my heart pump hard,he does,he does make me smile once a while,but……Only god now,how many times I hope the love blossom right in front of us.but…there is someone who refuses to totally leaves.He will..he had too..somehow (I will make sure of that)..that nampun namja that like to put a huge stone on my heart.One by one,I am forgetting memory bout him,however,the feeling stick so hard,that it feel like it eat my heart inside out.That feeling….If you want to stay,stop appear everytime,I seem to gotten over you,please.You wasn’t around and you didn’t intend to be around,so,could you let me at least learn to spark a love again...chaebal…

      After the leaking of secret,my heart just…keep having heartache.I was worry.This secret couldn’t leak anyhow…but if it does,it doesn’t only hurt my heart.It will ruin and damaged more…This bad love suppose to live secretly and dies when it suppose to unknowingly.That is what suppose to happen.somehow,this worry bring his name more often now after I managed to just remember him only once a day..and lightly.

    I have to remind myself over and over again,you are just a great love,not the true ones.If you are a great love,it doesn’t mean you will be the true.I’ll need you to pass through and … ,so that ,I am at least could expect the true ones with a willing heart.REMEMBER HEART!!!GREAT DOESN’T MEAN TRUE…

      May be I am like smart heels ,after all of this,I just hope to settle down once and for all.Actually,there many times,we discussed about marriage prospect.She think her biological clock have been running fast and it is time.All girl feels like that about their marriage.But feeling is a hard thing to figured or control.You only know that you have meet the right ones,when even you  have to marry the same guy everyday,you still choose him.Rather than feeling the need to share your life to another stranger,you feel that..”ah..finally your other half have come back to you.Why wouldn’t I meet you sooner” …he  make you feel like home even  both of you stranded in deserted land.Even someday,you hated his lousy habit or old slack,you will hate even more of yourself missing it even more without him.That is how love supposed to be with less agony nor conflicts.

.If you settle with any less than this,you will always haunted with “what if….” Question.

        “What if I travel more?Would I feel more freedom?”

                  “What if…I ended with other guy?”

   It feel merry thinking of such feeling.I wish some day,I could hand over my heart to such a person.